Karma Page 6

  “You do that. I think I’d enjoy talking to her more.” He chuckled. “Don’t sweat it, cuz. I’m sure she’s already yours. I’m glad too.”

  “You feeling okay, Wyatt?”

  He chuckled again. “Yeah, I’m fine but if you’re alluding to the length of this call, you only have yourself to blame. You’re the one who left me alone with Andie in the first place. Now that she and Holliday have hooked up, they’ve decided that I need to develop some social skills, though their logic escapes me. Promise that you and Frank will both report back to them so I can get some peace.”

  Jesse laughed openly. “Will do but this isn’t what they meant. You’re supposed to talk to people who don’t already know and love you or I’m sure it doesn’t count.”

  “I talked to Abby. Surely that’ll satisfy them for now. And I got loud with Frank this morning too.”

  “You’re such a piece of work.”

  “Yeah, but that intimidates most people. Why don’t they get that?”

  “Holly never did and Andie has a mind of her own but I’ll see if I can run interference for you. I’m not making any promises but I’ll try.”

  “All a guy can beg for I suppose.”

  “Later, Wy. Thanks,” Jesse said even though it wasn’t likely Wyatt heard him with how quickly the line disconnected.

  Frank stood and rested his hand on Abby’s shoulder while he spoke to his brother. “We’re out of here. I’ll buzz you before I head back later. Check if you need anything. If you think of something before then you know how to reach me.”

  “Abby.” Alyssa made the same gesture when Frank stepped toward the door. “Hang in there. It might not seem like it right now but you do have friends who will help if you let them. Don’t ever hesitate to ask. You don’t have to face this on your own.”

  “Thanks,” Abby responded with tears forming again, clearly overwhelmed by Alyssa’s words.

  Jesse thanked them softly as he closed the door behind them. When they were alone, he scooped Abby out of the chair and carried her the few steps to the bed. “Ready for another backrub?” he asked as he slid the robe from her shoulders.

  “You don’t have to,” Abby replied automatically.

  “I do if it lets you get back to sleep,” Jesse told her as he refilled the icepacks. “Please don’t argue. I’m here because I want to be. I’m trying to relieve some of the tightness is your neck because I don’t like that you’re hurting. I’ll do anything you think might help. All you have to do is tell me what it is and I’ll do it for you. I guess Earl didn’t even bother to take care of you at the beginning of your relationship.”

  “He didn’t believe I got migraines. He said I just wanted attention.”

  “I am so glad you got away from him. From the little I’ve heard I already know he’s not worthy of you. This just emphasizes that.”

  “I don’t think he ever really even liked me. Even back when he touched me.”

  “How long has it been?” he asked since she seemed to want to talk about it.

  “Almost three years. And it was months in-between before the last time. The entire five years we were together, Earl only did certain things and it always had to be the way he wanted it or he wouldn’t do it. I don’t think he enjoyed it then either.”

  “What the hell is wrong with him? I have trouble keeping my hands off you for five minutes. I can’t imagine lying in bed with you for three years and not enjoying it. Are you sure he’s not gay and afraid to admit it to himself?”

  “Oh Earl is definitely not gay. He just didn’t want me. At the beginning we had sex once or twice a week. He has a lot of pressure at work and he’d come home tired most nights. It didn’t take long for me to learn that he had to be the one to initiate it.”

  Jesse felt her neck muscles tense under his hand. She had her face away from him and he suspected she was afraid to see something in his expression that would confirm Earl’s judgment of her. “You learned? How?”

  “When he said no he sounded like he was teasing. I didn’t quit and he almost strangled me.”

  “How long after you met was that?”

  “About six months. I was still in college when I met Earl. He’s a little older and was already established. I was home for break and we were introduced. He seemed so confident and together to me then. He managed a bank and I thought it was so sophisticated at the time. We dated until I finished school. When I graduated, he asked me to live with him. My life at home was never that great and I didn’t have any place else to go. He said all the right things. I was so stupid for believing him.”

  “No, Abby. You were not stupid. He was the one who was wrong, not you.”

  “But I stayed with him. After that night.”

  “After that night when he said even more of the right things.”

  “Yeah.” She was quiet for so long that Jesse thought she was finished talking. “It changed then. He always rubbed his cock between my boobs a few times before poking it into my mouth. I wasn’t a slut or anything before Earl but I used to like giving head. I liked to feel it when I excited a guy with my mouth. Earl hated me to use my tongue. He said I wasn’t a whore and shouldn’t do that. As soon as he started to get hard, he’d slide down between my legs and force his way in. After he tried to strangle me, he stopped checking to see if I was ready for him. He always made me tell him he was the best lover I’d ever had too. When he was done he’d make us get cleaned up right away. After six months of living together, I suggested that we might try something different, like, um, me on top. You know, a little variety, nothing wild or anything. That was the first time he hit me. He was real sorry and made me lots of promises that he wouldn’t do it again. He said it was a stressful time at work and how he shouldn’t bring it home with him like he had. Two weeks later we were engaged. I kept right on believing that he wanted to marry me and raise a family with me. We were down to once a month by then but I knew better than to question him.

  “I let him chase off all my friends. He convinced me that we were better than they were and they would only drag me down. He’d gotten me a job with a friend of his when I graduated. I mentioned that I was considering looking for something else and he went nuts. I started to listen to the names he called me. I heard him make excuses for me when he had his friends over. I could see the pity in their eyes. They felt so bad for Earl, being saddled with a stuck-up, useless, whiney bitch like me. He told them how I was letting myself go so much that he had to find his satisfaction elsewhere. He wasn’t even embarrassed when he knew that I’d heard him.”

  Jesse couldn’t stand it anymore. Abby was in tears again, hurting as she spoke. He had to hold her. Gently, he pulled her to her side and wrapped his arms around her, his chest pressed against her back. She didn’t resist so he tightened his embrace.

  “I went to the drive-up at his bank once to make a payment on my student loan and the teller stole my cash. No one, Earl included, believed I had it in the envelope. He said I embarrassed him. He said his employees didn’t steal and I only thought I had put the money inside. He told me I was careless and probably lost it instead. Then one day he called and told me to drop something off at his office. When I got there the teller was with him. They were obviously rearranging their clothes and laughing about how easy it was to convince everyone that I was pathetic enough to accuse her of taking my money. He said it was worth covering it from his account and hoped she’d gotten herself something nice. I opened my mouth and he slapped me in front of her. When I ran out, crying, they told everyone what an imagination I had and said that I had just accused them of having an affair. He said he didn’t understand why I seemed to have it in for that one teller but I was forbidden from going to her line ever again.”

  Jesse held her and waited for her to calm down enough to continue. There was nothing he could say that she wouldn’t take as pity so he remained silent, offering comfort with his touch only.

  “I’m sure there were more after her. Probably even before her.
By then I noticed the comments Earl would make when we’d drive by a heavy person. He was cruel. It wasn’t a conscious decision but I knew if I ate more and got fatter, he wouldn’t want to touch me anymore. The last time he did h-he, I tried to say no. It had gotten so awful after I made the mistake of talking about getting married. That was back before I found out he was with other women. I hated it when he touched me but he didn’t notice. Or maybe he just didn’t care. I tried to push him off me and he started hitting me. He kept saying that he would show me who was boss and no repulsive, fat tramp like me was going to treat him like he wasn’t a man. He kept trying to shove into me while he hit me all over. I could barely breathe and thought he was going to kill me. He didn’t. He just raped me instead. And beat me until I passed out.

  “It was morning when I woke up. I was covered with purple. I was bleeding and could barely move. He was sitting in the chair by the bed, reading the paper. When he saw I was awake, he said he hoped I was happy with what I forced him to do to me. He said I’d given him no choice. He said I’d regret it if he didn’t take care of me like he did since I was too stupid to take care of myself. He called me off work and said he would let me make a nice dinner to apologize for making him teach me a lesson.”

  He felt her muscles tensing as she relived the experience. He was helpless to take the pain out of her memories so he merely held her.

  “I’m not really stupid. I can cook. His friends never liked the things I worked so hard to make for them. I’m not stuck-up but they all knew each other and I didn’t know any of them except Earl. I was just shy and they wouldn’t give me a chance. I’m not a whore just because I like to give head and wanted to have sex more often than he did. I’m not perverted because I didn’t want to be flat on my back all the time. That’s not wrong, is it?”

  He knew she wasn’t really asking his opinion but answered anyway. “No, Abby, that’s not wrong. You’re a dream come true as far as I’m concerned. I’d marry you tomorrow if you said you wanted to start a life with me.”

  “Don’t say things like that. Please don’t make fun of me like that. Don’t be cruel like Earl was.”

  “Abby.” Jesse shifted so they were face-to-face. “I am not Earl. I would never say something like that to a woman if I weren’t serious. I would never intentionally hurt someone who is already emotionally ravaged for any reason, least of all my entertainment.”

  “You mean it? You would really marry me tomorrow?”

  “In a heartbeat as long as your migraine was completely gone. If you still had it, I’d think I took advantage of you.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “What’s not to understand? There’s something big between us. I’ve always had this theory that there was a cosmic plan for everyone’s life. I’ve watched my cousin Holly and three of my friends find their destinies. Holly, Jordan and Andie knew right away. Dwayne, Kiley, Shane, Alyssa and Brett all needed to get used to the idea but once they accepted it, they accepted it completely.”

  “You think I’m your destiny? You think that happened this morning because we were supposed to meet today?”

  “With all my heart.”

  “You honestly believe we could get married now and stay together forever?”

  “Absolutely.”

  “Oh God.” She moaned and hid her face.

  “Shh. It’s okay. I’m telling you all this now because I can’t stand for you to believe the nonsense Earl filled your head with for one more minute. I want to drive it out of there and convince you I’m right. You already said everything yourself but I think you need someone else to say it too. I promised to be honest with you and that’s what I’m doing. My timing sucks and I’m afraid I just scared you away because it’s too soon for this but it’s all true. I think if you could find it in you to trust me and open your heart to me, you’d see the love I already feel for you. That’s not something that goes away just because your life is totally screwed and your mind is still holding on to the lies he pumped into you. Yeah, maybe I shouldn’t have said anything yet. You have enough to deal with without me complicating things even more. Your migraine is still going strong and we only met five hours ago. None of that means I’m wrong though.”

  “Stop. Please. Don’t say anything more. I can’t think.” Abby was still hiding.

  “Okay. I’ll keep it to myself for now. I won’t interrupt you again.”

  “I don’t want to talk anymore.”

  “That’s fine. I hope you’ll tell me the rest some other time but I can wait. I’m not going anywhere.”

  “Thanks.” She gave his chest a tiny kiss.

  Jesse didn’t even try to hide his groan this time. “That’s still not a good idea, Ab. The things you were saying are already putting images in my mind. I don’t think I can take your lips against me right now. I want you too much and I’m afraid I wouldn’t stop us like I did earlier.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be. I like that you feel safe enough to do that. But I’m still not willing to take this any further now.”

  “And I still can’t believe you want me.”

  “Not even with the evidence right in front of you?”

  “No, not really.”

  “Then one of these days I’m going to have to show you how you make me feel instead of just talking about it. But again, it’s not going to be today. No matter how insane your nipples are making me.”

  “I liked the way it feels when we’re next to each other like this.” She seemed shocked that she just made that admission.

  “Me too, Ab. Me too. Which is exactly why I’m going to roll you back over and rub your neck again before I forget why I shouldn’t bury my face against you and let my mouth take over.”

  She finally looked at him. “I want that.”

  “And we’ll do it just not today. Stop being a sexy outlaw and help me out just a little here.”

  “I’m not really trying to push you. I know I sound like I am but I’m not. I don’t know how to do this anymore.”

  “Oh yeah you do. You may not think so but trust me, you do. And you’re doing a damned fine job of it too.”

  “Thanks.” She slid out of his arms and stretched out on her stomach again. “You don’t know how good hearing you say that makes me feel.”

  “I didn’t say it just to make you feel good although I’m glad it does. I said it because it’s true. Now let me get back to what I was doing before I interrupted you. I appreciate that you wanted to tell me and I’m ready to listen to more whenever you want to talk again.”

  “Ooh, that’s so good,” Abby stated as his fingers worked their magic on her neck. “I want to tell you all of it but not right now. I want you to make me feel better and I know I’ll cry again if I say more.”

  “That’s fine. You just close your eyes and let me tell you about Frank and Wyatt. Unless you’re ready for me to give you some quiet.”

  “Mm, talk more please.”

  Chapter Eight

  Jesse was fully alert, questioning what woke him. Though he hadn’t meant to, he must have dozed after Abby had fallen asleep. Where was Abby? The spot next to him was empty and he was horrified to realize she had slipped away from him without waking him.

  “I’m not staying under his control one more second,” Abby told her reflection in the bathroom mirror. “I’ll show him. He can’t tell me what to do anymore.”

  Jesse heard Abby’s voice and padded silently across the room to see what she was doing. She sounded furious. He wasn’t sure what she wasn’t letting Earl control but what he found was something he never would have expected.

  “What the hell is wrong with me? I’m not like that. I didn’t have to stay with him. I can make it just fine all by myself. Why did I waste all that time on the asshole when I always knew I didn’t really love him?”

  Jesse’s voice startled her. “I’m glad to hear you weren’t in love with him but I’d like to know how you answer that one too.”

 
“Because I wanted the things he promised. I wanted to get married. I wanted to form a family. I wanted a home and a responsible guy to share things with. I wanted it all so badly that I listened to him and convinced myself he wasn’t lying.”

  “Understandable,” Jesse said. “Whatcha doing in here?”

  Abby wrapped another section of hair around her hand and sawed it off with the scissors she had. “Getting rid of this stupid hair. I hate it! I’ve always hated it but they made me think I needed it. First my mom and then Earl. Well they can both stick it because it’ll never be long again.”

  Jesse watched as she continued to mutilate her hair. The scissors couldn’t be very sharp with the way she was hacking away at each hunk. “Why did they think you needed long hair?” Jesse asked, hoping he sounded reasonable. Abby was well on her way to becoming hysterical and he was afraid she’d stab herself if she got any more upset.

  “My mother hated my hair short because my dad liked it. After she chased him away, she never let me get more than a trim again. And Earl thought my face was too fat for short hair. One time I went to get the ends evened out and the girl trimmed a little too much. Earl decided I did it on purpose.” She let the words trail off as she lopped off more of her hair.

  “I’m assuming he punished you then too.” Jesse filled in the blank. “Can I ask what you meant when you said your mother chased your father away?”

  Abby paused with a strand of hair wrapped around her fist and met his eyes in the mirror. “They disagreed on everything. Absolutely everything. Big, little, stupid, it didn’t ever matter. My mother insisted on being right and having the last word. She had to be the center of attention. At all times. I don’t think she ever wanted me. But she hid it in public. Most people thought she was so wonderful. And she was until we were alone.

  “She used to tell me how shameful it was to have a child like me who pranced around and made people notice me. I finally figured out she was referring to any time someone spoke to me before her. She was okay if she brought me into a conversation. When someone else did, she would be furious. Even if I was somewhere before she was, she would still get angry with me. She’s always believed the whole world revolved around her and doesn’t understand when someone doesn’t share that opinion.